does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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