Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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