She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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