And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what day is it and did you see me today?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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