You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize