I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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