You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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