I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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