dude i'm inner monologue high
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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