Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize