How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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