I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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