Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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