Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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