I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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