Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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