wake up i wanna do it froggy style
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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