I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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