I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize