does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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