Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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