you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need moral support for this bender
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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