did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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