sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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