Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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