You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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