Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize