please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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