My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize