i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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