he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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