Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize