So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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