My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize