Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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