"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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