she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize