You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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