perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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