This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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