Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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