Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize