well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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