Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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