take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
nutella sex= disaster
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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