I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize