my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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