We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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