The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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