Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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